Wednesday 26 December 2012

Sangam Poetry

I had no idea this kind of poetry existed. I am so glad I am living far away from familiar! I just saw a Bharatnatyam performance which was performed on a Sangam poem. The performance was not spectacular, there was some discord between the performer and the mridanga player, but the poem was nice. The performer compared it to Haiku, but I find it too literal to be compared to Haiku. Nevertheless it was very beautiful. And I found the poem! Or so I think:

My father gave me fatty fish to dry,
and I spread it on the wide seashore,
rested in the sweet shade of the punnai tree
and chased the birds that tried to steal it.
My friends and I hung a thāzhai fiber rope swing
from the tall gnāzhal tree and played
on the salty shores where the red crabs dig deep holes
and the eastern winds create sand dunes.
We did kuravai dances together,
played on the white waves,
and wore beautiful skirts
made from many flowers and fresh leaves.
We were slandered by the terrible
gossip-monger ladies in this town
because we played often on these shores.
Mother heard their harsh words
and has imposed restrictions on me,
afraid that my lover
will ride in his chariot with beautiful horses
on the moon like white beach sand to see me
at any time of the day or night.
What can I do now?    

Translated by Vaidehi




Please visit the sources:
http://sangampoemsfordances.wordpress.com/
http://sangampoemsinenglish.wordpress.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sangam_literature
http://artsinsangamtamil.wordpress.com/

Sunday 2 December 2012

Second-Firstrush

The two day of workshops were splendid. They trained us with viewpoints exercises without telling us that we are doing so. They was a lot of working with lots of people, something I had not done in quite a while. I am so rusted. I have forgotten how to move or speak. But reaction! I like reacting.

All my years of training has curled up into a ball that now lives in my spine and leaks out in reactions.

---

The scripts we read for cold reads were all small sketches. I did not know we were going to do a collection of sketches then.

Reading from a script with another person is a performance! I wish Aneliya and I had finally done that reading of Sure Thing in NUS.

---

So I am in two sketches, one is an over the top Silly Job Interview. It is a "Monty Python." By an interesting coincidence, of the 10 or so unseen movie DVDs I have in my room (gifts), 2 are Monty Pythons! They are not unseen DVDs anymore. Monty Python is amazing. I can do that!

---

Chocolate is an interesting sketch. I think Mrs.Colby is supposed to be fat. There are many hints for that in the script. There is another monologue sketch, My Dear Diet Diary, which is about a really fat woman, but again, we've no real fat actresses in the first rush team. No broad boned or slightly well covered ones either.

Using American scripts are interesting this way. Perhaps India cannot match America in supply of fat women. But neither can we in supplying enough fat actresses. When I think of it, the only big women who are seen in Indian movies, Hindi movies more precisely, are in small comic roles. Wake-Up Sid was interesting that way, there was a friend of Sid's who was big and that was just another detail of her character, not her definition.

---
I am up again. I couldn't sleep till 12:30 am. I woke up at 2:30 for a while. And now I am finally up at 5:30. But it is different this time. I have stayed up late after every performance in my life. The rush of some hormone, enzyme, chemical, makes it all a big illusion. And keeps me awake wondering if it really happened.

But I feel great! This is why I do it. This is why it is worth all the hours of training, missing dinners, coming home late and short supply of sleep.

People liked it. And that is the least of it. I was myself again. Someone with more than one characters: comfortably stepping in and out of identities in front of a live audience! Structured and institutionalized lying and deceiving! (Don't I love lying and deceiving!) Living many lives. That is the fun and power of performance. All humans are many people at once, but no one does it better than actors. Ok, maybe politicians.



Thursday 22 November 2012

Stranger

12-Nov-2012
Kotturpuram, Chennai

I sit in the dark and slightly dusty corridors of Vidyasagar School in Chennai. The corridor is dark because all the seven of us like the way it is dimly lit by a thin stream of the while tubelight coming from the auditorium, just enough to make out the facial expressions. Everyone is talking and laughing. the conversations are slow, tired after an hour of energetic rehearsals.

Tired colleagues, otherwise sensitive to such things, have reverted to Tamil for their conversations.

I sit not understanding most of it. Looking away from light. Smiling when everyone laughs and one of them helpfully translates the punch line, which does not help since most jokes are contextual, seeped in the popular culture, songs, movies, and TV series of the Tamil Speaking world.

I sit and I smile a tired smile. We are all in this together. Each one very happy to be here, in the company of the other, joined by a common purpose. Seeds of friendships are sown in such well tilled and sweat drenched soil.

I sit. I have seen all of this before, many times. This is a Tamil reprise of a popular number of my past life. The original was performed by even stranger foreigners.


-----


22-Nov-2012
Chandanagar, Hyderabad

I am sitting in the well lit and dusty office of Saptavandana in Chandanagar. I am invisible. When I am paid attention to it is a lot of it, I think my hair style and dressing sense makes the manager and his staff like me. But most of the time I am invisible, people speak to each other in Telugu. I am here to supervise the process. I am allowed to do that, but for the most part, I am invisible.

I am resigned to the fact. I behave invisible. I move slowly. If I feel like moving slow. I move fast and smile if I feel like doing so. I do what I want.

I may have begun to understand how a child feels in the alien world of adults. 

Tuesday 13 November 2012

The Adventurer!

Imagine - jumping down from the stratosphere, breaking the barrier of sound, going towards earth at speed greater than...
No no. That makes me dizzy and nauseous. Let's try another one.

Imagine that you are sitting on the comfortable floor of a temple in Atlantis - a place many people think does not even exist. Imagine the thrill, the rush of blood, dizzying your mind, sharpening all your senses, hair standing on end, the goosebumps, loss of words! Just being there is like walking through the sheet that separates the possible from the impossible, a part of the legend!

This is what I experience almost once in three months when I shatter right through the old and useless adages about free meals at mach 1.1 and stuff myself till I puke, at the staff lunch!


Friday 5 October 2012

OMG sligshots at Ritualism


He takes a slingshot at the idol of Krishna! That it just hits the bell and misses the idol, is incidental - making a Bollywood film that supports atheism and cynicism in a country where people will persecute you for less.

Oh My God! or OMG is a Bollywood film released a week back. I got good reviews from reliable sources so I went to watch it[1]. For popular mainstream Bollywood, I liked it a lot. The strength of the story and it’s ‘purpose’ is the plot. And that is where it scores all the points. Technically (editing, cinematography, playwriting, dance, music) it is only below average.  

The protagonist Kanji bhai Lalji bhai played by Paresh Rawal has a small shop that sells articles of faith and antique value. He is a very inquisitive (and cunning) person who does not believe in god or ritualism. He blasphemes of god on the day of the birth of Krishna (Janmashthami) and in a mild earthquake his shop is razed down to rubble. When he makes an insurance claim it turns out his policy does not cover act of god. So to repay the debts and save his house from the debtors, he challenges God and His 'collection agencies' – religious trusts and places of worship, to repay his debts. The case is admitted in the High Court and it follows an interesting debate around if god exists and what is an act of god. Who is responsible for acts of god and who should repay the damage caused by god if insurance company has a clause that they do not cover such losses?

The plot is thin but, I felt, well put.  Much to an atheist’s delight, (and my show was full of them clapping and cheering at every line) the picture makes many jabs at ritualism and the concept of an omnipotent, omniscient God. At least in the first part.

Points for making the atheist functional illiterate in first part of the movie, and making him read books and investigate religion through these in the second! A bag of brownies for the impersonation of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar by revered Mithun Chakrabarti!

How does one make jabs at ritualism of many[2] prominent religions of India and still not get booked? Solution - have a god on your side. And I am not talking about the Muhurat and other rituals that most film makers in India would carry out even if they are making OMG. Make a character of God, and make this character agree with the views of the atheist. Omg, don’t I love the power of Performance? Enter “Krishna Vasudev Yadav, from Gokul” played by Akshay Kumar - “Krishna, because you are a Hindu. If you were a Muslim – the prophet; if you were a Christian - Jesus Christ”. 

What is a befitting Bollywood Climax to such a movie? That Kanji bhai breaks down idols of gods with an iron rod; and then present a moving speech in front of a crowd - asking them to never ever visit a place of worship and/or pay any religious (or spiritual) trusts. How oh how, without getting theatres burnt?

The idols should be of a lesser known god --> How about a freshly baked God? --> How about the atheist was made into a god by people and then he breaks his own idols? Brilliant! A conniving ingenious plot for a blasphemy orgy! 

Ending in a thoughtful and sensitive manner, when Krishna V Yadav of Gokul finally departs, He leaves a token behind! Kanji bhai instinctively wants to preserve it for memory when God speaks from inside him and asks him to get rid of the token symbol. Remember what I said about 'purpose' of the plot?

Of course my favourite is still The Book of Mormon with a cameo by Jesus Christ, God, and Mormon prophet Joseph Smith, but enjoyed Oh My God! thoroughly! If you haven’t seen it yet, watch it as soon as you can, it is not going to last much longer at the cinemas. Obviously.






[1] Full disclosure I was afraid it maybe a remodelling of a movie made elsewhere, but in the credits it mentioned a Gujarati play. That relieved me. It could still be a remodelling of a story, but that is much better in my books.

[2] Jainism and Sikhism were missing, I felt bad :D. In fact Buddhism is also ritualistic and idol based in its practice in at least parts India. 

Thursday 13 September 2012

The Sad Book of Religion

I can't have enough of them. I keep listening to the songs of the 8 Tony winning musical The Book of Mormon , again and again. I was intrigued by what did the Mormon community think of it. And so I googled the key words "Mormon Criticism of Musical The book of Mormon."

My first hit was this site. The writer is a mormon. The article is a review of the story and personal reactions such as "The song “Spooky Mormon Hell” is hilarious (check out the life-size dancing Starbucks cups; I could not stop laughing) but theologically inaccurate."; and ends with the note: "It is an honor to be thus lampooned."

The next other interesting one is similar in it's criticism: "All in all, it’s vulgar, but fairly harmless towards the Church directly. It has about as much impact as an episode of South Park. For any believers in God – not just members of the LDS Church—you’ll probably not be wishing to see it again."
He also mentions that Mormon church’s official statement "sums it up quite nicely - The production may attempt to entertain audiences for an evening, but the Book of Mormon as a volume of scripture will change people’s lives forever by bringing them closer to Christ."

Now I have only heard the songs, but I found them beyond just a bit offensive towards the Mormon community and their prophet. But I was happily listening away, because the musical reflects my views on organised religions.

While elsewhere in USA someone decided to make a movie deriding Prophet Mohammed and post a trailer on the youtube (extended version). From what is visible in the trailer, the movie presents prophet Muhammed and many other people who surround the mythology/history of beginning of Islam pretty seriously, showing him as a womaniser, a paedophile and an insane, brutal person.

This trailer video has triggered a mob in Libya that killed 3 US nationals of the US Embassy, including the ambassador. And the fire has spread to Yemen.

Even thought now it is suspected that the mob may not have been spontaneous, the immediate reason seems to be the protest against the video. I expect more countries to join in, religious fervour is infectious.

The actors have now issued a ridiculous statement through CNN denying "that they had any idea about the anti-Islamic sentiments expressed in the final product."

I am not perturbed by the movie trailer, it is a view many people hold about the prophet of Islam. This will not be first such movie, and of course there are many books which are in circulation which present the views many people in the world hold about Islam and its prophet. I will have to say they are not factually inaccurate on many points.

But the making of such a hateful movie, the killing of multiple innocent people who have nothing to do with the movie and destruction of public property yet confirms my views on the dangers of organised religions and faiths - where each religions asks, nay, requires a follower to announce that all other religions and thoughts are at least incomplete, untrue, and in fact worthy of hatred.

Hassadiga Eebowai.





Friday 31 August 2012

Reservation, Colonialism, Inertia and Fairness

The phenomenon of positive discrimination for castes is oft debated. For anyone who may not know of it, I will summarise here: Indians (and not only Hindus) have followed a system of caste for a very long time. The constitution of India recognises the caste system as an evil of the society but to counter the effects of long standing discrimination also forwards some measures of positive discrimination for the long ignored and downtrodden castes. Two schedules (or lists) were made, one of castes and other of tribes, chosen for positive discrimination.

Now it is ironical that in an intention to remove the caste system this positive discrimination actually bolsters it. It does empower the castes that were considered lower than others once (and still are not doing comparatively better) but the concept of castes is bolstered, whereas it should have been reduced through education and equal opportunity based on merit. It's a complicated debate whether religious groups such as Muslims and Christians which claim to be casteless, should get any such positive discrimination, since in reality the caste systems prevails across religions in India.

The hard working and fair playing, even non-partisan and secular youth of India has to bear the incremental disadvantage of limited resources such as opportunities of education and work which is forwarded towards the scheduled groups of lesser merit. It is argued that lesser merit is accrued due to lesser resources and more severe disadvantages to begin life with.



During the second world war officers the Third Reich plundered the wealth of other people, especially Jews. The wealth from such exploitations still sit in the Swiss Bank accounts and there are many claims made towards these in many different manners and forms by the descendent who now live in USA, Israel etc. The most interesting form I came across was when Michael Moore dressed one of his actors up as Hitler and sent him into the bank to claim that he has come to collect the money and redistribute it to those that rightfully own the wealth, instead of the bank and ultimately the Swiss govt that taxes it, and make gains from investment and reinvestment. Hold on to this thought.

A few days ago, I had a heated discussion with someone who is not an Indian but has lived in India for a long time, when they were pointing out how they hate the Indians who litter, and in general care only for themselves. Without much reason and provocation, my patriotic side woke up and I started a long tirade about the mentality of grab-and-hold-on due to very limited resources and large population since the birth of the nation; the severe lack of public education infrastructure inherited by this recent post-colonial nation; and then the whole culture of bad governance inherited.

I am guilty of bad reasoning in blaming it all to colonisers, I know. But something did come out of that practice of free speech, I realised that I was the disadvantaged group in this case. and wouldn't it be fair if there was more identification of the exploitation of my people for over 200 years? A systematic pay back, a monetary compensation for the colonial nations to make towards us would be a good start. As a right, not in the form of aid as if they are helping us out. If the Jews deserve to get their money back, the colonised nations surely do. And since there may be no listed people the money should be repaid to the governments. Only fair, right? Like the tax payers money and future opportunities going towards the scheduled people.

Such a claim may seem unfair, because the people of England who will be making the payment are not the ones who colonised us. But did they inherit only the advantages of wealth or also the responsibility towards the acts through which such wealth was amassed? In case of an individual it seems fair to ask the innocent descendent of a king (unscrupulous or any other kind) to give up almost all their wealth, as did happen at the birth of all democracies, I am familiar with the case of India and Pakistan where selected representatives went with a standing army to reclaim the property and wealth that belonged to the erstwhile kingdoms and fiefdoms. Why can't it work between nations?

Good idea if I am the nation that gets paid. But I think our world cannot function on historical fairness. The temporal limits to fairness will be very tricky. If we were going to go back in time to settle issues fairly, where, at what time, will we stop? We might have to go back all the way to the beginning of the recorded history. Maybe a life time - 60 years, about the time since reservation exists is a good enough time. How about a few hours?

If the claim of a few hours seem very unfair, imagine a hypothetical passing of a new bill of law in the parliament of your country. And that such a news reaches people only through a news paper, the earliest one published is in the evening, a few hours after the session is closed. A few hours before people could have picketed against a possible passing of the bill, which seems so much easier to do, compared to repealing of a law which (like the making of a new law)  needs 2/3 majority in the house and other harsher measures. A policy window has passed by in a few hours. History has moved on with all its inertia.

Fairness, then, is only a matter of coincidence. We can only move ahead within the framework given to us - laws, conditions of existence, values, religions, and on and on. Many agencies will collide for the next possible change. Which is exactly it is, a collision and a next. There is no going back and in such a movement of time, there is no 'justice' - a vague concept that we were given through the idealistic sources such as religion, fables etc. And books, such as our constitutions. Even though some give us clues to the true nature of fairness:

Fair is foul, and foul is fair:
Hover through the fog and filthy air. 

- Shakespeare, Macbeth

And I hover over a given distribution of fairness and foulness over the mass of all individuals. Its density around me changes every moment.







Monday 27 August 2012

Globalisation

I was driving back from work on a motorcycle, and standing at a traffic signal, looking at girls driving by, dreaming of doing one or more of them one day, you know the usual stuff single men do standing bored at a traffic light. And enter two guys on a big huge motorcycle.

The rider has a very macho hair do, and a macho beard. The pillion rider has long hair. They are not above 20-21 of age. They are absorbed in a serious conversation with each other with the loud carelessness of Hindi speakers in the Tamil speaking part of the country.

Pillion Rider, PR:
Isliye main Narendra Modi ko hi support karunga. Banda logon ke bare main sochta to hai.
[So that is why I, support Narendra modi. He at least cares about the people.]

Rider, R:
Manmohan ka to bas naam hi hai, ch****ya sala.
[Manmohan Singh just has a big name, stupid person.]

PR:
Tujhe pata hai log uska naam itna kyon maante hai?
[Do you know why Manmohan Singh is so popular?]

R:
Uske paas koi badi degree hai na...
[Because he has a big degree...]

PR:
Uske pass badi degreee toh hain par sale ka bheja uski g**d main hain.
[That is not the only reason, he does have a big degree, but his brain is in his a*s]

R and PR laugh in unison

PR:
Abe, sirf isliye hi nahin. Tujhe pata hai jab 1991 main desh globalise ho raha tha, tab Manmohan Singh vitt mantri tha.
[Not only because of that (big degree). You know when India was globalised, Manmohan Singh was the Finance Minister.]

The Signal turned green, and they moved out of earshot. By the look of it they continued the discussion. The only English words they used in this conversation were: Degree and Globalisation.
[Academic] Degrees, they don't care much about. It does not seem to have correlation with intelligence, innovation, entrepreneurship, or leadership.
Globalisation - they got almost right. The idea in 1991 was economic liberalisation. Of course some people may argue liberalisation leads to higher degree of globalisation.

I was indeed very happy to see the use of Hindi words such as vitt mantri. Of course some other words titillated me. I wish they could carry out the whole conversation in Hindi, or at least had a good enough English Vocabulary.



The Good Doctor


The Good Doctor was performing an experiment on me.

I went to see a performance of the play written by Niel Simon, performed by Barking Dog. The play has been doing rounds in my second thoughts, in between of course the more important  thoughts of women and ravaging them in different ways, exactly as expected of Indian males of my age and marital status. That would be separated, if you cared to know.

The joke was on me. Not only mine, Niel Simon's too. I have read, seen, and acted in dark comedies. But the Doctor is a doctor: he does not hide his intentions as he makes a claim of wanting to find out what makes people laugh, describing excruciating pain and asking why should that be funny for us at all, before the scene of the pulling of tooth begins.

And then it goes completely out of hands. Not in any particular order -
Frustrations of class divide, exploitation;
Mental illness of a close loved one mixed with the agony of poverty and gruelling hard work, not to forget Gout;
Son and father discuss prostitutes, bargain, and then finally the father cheats the son of the opportunity; Seduction of a wife, using the husband as a medium;
Death, to top it all. By drowning. One of the most horrible kinds of death, for nothing more than 60 kopecks.

It was a laugh riot and performed very well by Barking Dog, don't get me wrong, but that is the point isn't it?

He comes and sits among us during the scene of audition, in which he makes it clear that The Death Of The Clerk (the opening scene) was not meant to be funny. He looks on at us seriously. He makes notes about us, we even catch him off guard once or twice doing so. The Seducer of the wife presents a flower to a married woman with her husband in the crowd, or anyone closest to the description. I bet that couple, or the husband at least, did not enjoy that scene very much.

I can see it clearly now: the actors go into the green room and they laugh at the poor buggers that make the audience.




Sunday 19 August 2012

Sunday 5 August 2012

Thursday 2 August 2012

A Good Consumer - Poetry

I am a poet, I am not a poet. I think the former some times and the latter others. But most of the time in my life I do not think about poetry at all. And it is this last bit that led me to read the book How Poetry Works.

The author Phil Roberts has a very interesting agenda in this book. He wants people to realize and think about what poetry is supposed to do. In the most scintillating times, print was expensive, and poetry was mostly to be read by one person for the benefit of many. And thus the way poetry evolved was the way it sounds. Of course with print becoming more accessible many times more people can access poetry, but now poetry is something read. And many times read in formats such as the internet and computer screen, where glancing, scanning, and “speed-reading” are the ideals and norm.

I am glad I live in today’s time because I will not have read the book or be able read poetry. Or have the system, discipline, or motivation to write poetry. But this is something to think about. I know most of my readers will take it as an offense when I say it, but many times more people will watch movies over read a book. And the idea is simple: someone is reading and enacting the book for them, naturally so much more interesting. But, many of us who read books before we watch the movie version of it, will often come back dissatisfied and read the book once again in an attempt to appease the author (and the book).

Most poetry, Mr. Roberts claims, is in the sound form. It is in the sound form that they take form, over meaning and syntax. I will not say songs, only because I am not sure about the technical differences between songs and other metric forms of poetry. But most poetry is to be read aloud. And slowly.

Of course I knew of the rhythm and understand syllables. But most poetry is in sound form? My first reaction was of disbelief and disdain. These fantastic authors want to go back to times of queens and barons? I went back and read some of the poems I have liked recently, and many of them are in very systematic stress or metric format. I went to read my own poems and lo! I was writing in metre too (or at least was trying to use metres for effect) without meaning to or wanting to. [I am sure now that I will think more about these things writing poem will get more difficult for me]

More interestingly free verse, he claims, has only a shocking value (as poetry) for people whose ears are well-versed (ha!) with the sounds of metric forms, almost expect it. I differ. As someone who is not a very good writer, does not care too much about getting work published, I only write free verse as a medium of self-expression, and as a connecting hook to the authors whose writing fascinates me.


Saturday 28 July 2012

Some Pencil Drawings

(pics are taken using webcam)



She was somewhere in my pencil and jumped on me. (I wish)


 Anonymous Girl

 



This one is a (bad pic of a) good drawing

Upper Berth








Saturday 14 July 2012

THE SONG OF MAJOR-GENERAL

  From 'The Pirates of Penzance'
-- W S Gilbert


GENERAL: I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

ALL: With many cheerful facts,  about the square of the hypotenuse.


GENERAL: I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

ALL: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

GENERAL: I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.

ALL: And whistle all the airs, etc.

GENERAL: Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

ALL: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

GENERAL: In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery --
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.

ALL: You'll say a better Major-General, etc.

GENERAL: For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to
the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.


ALL: But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.













Friday 13 July 2012

Nandini's Banaras Walks

This was a link to the pages of famous walks around Varanasi by Saraswati Nandini Majumdar (on the page made by Irfana's Kahani class)

I am removing the links on request from the author.

If you are planning to visit Varanasi, you may be interested in knowing that the walks will be available in print in a book form complete with maps and illustrations! Please email me or leave a comment if you want to order the book.

Wednesday 4 July 2012

Ah! Mr. Browning: Excerpts from His Poems

Clever Mr. Browning


I sprang to the stirrup, and Joris and he;
I galloped, Dirck galloped, we galloped all three;

 

 Opening lines of How They Brought the Good News from Ghent to Aix



Ay, because the sea's the street there; and 'tis arched
   by ... what you call
... shylocks bridge with houses on it, where they
   kept the carnival:

 

Lines from A Toccata of Galuppi's




Naughty Mr. Browning

I
The grey sea and the long black land;
And the yellow half-moon large and low;
And the startled little waves that leap
In fiery ringlets from their sleep,
As I gain the cove with pushing prow,
And quench its speed i' the slushy sand.
II
Then a mile of warm sea-scented beach;
Three fields to cross till a farm appears;
A tap at the pane, the quick sharp scratch
And blue spurt of a lighted match,
And a voice less loud, thro' its joys and fears,
Than the two hearts beating each to each!

 

Meeting at Night



Was a lady such a lady, cheeks so round and lips so
   red, - 
On her neck  the small face buoyant, like a bell-flower 
   on its bed,
O'er the breast's super abundance where a man
   might base his head?

 

Lines from A Toccata of Galuppi's



Sad Mr Browning

I
Room after room,
I hunt the house through
We inhabit together.
Heart, fear nothing, for, heart, thou shalt find her—
Next time, herself!—not the trouble behind her
Left in the curtain, the couch's perfume!
As she brushed it, the cornice-wreath blossomed anew:
Yon looking-glass gleamed at the wave of her feather.

II
Yet the day wears,
And door succeeds door;
I try the fresh fortune—
Range the wide house from the wing to the centre.
Still the same chance! she goes out as I enter.
Spend my whole day in the quest,—who cares?
But 'tis twilight, you see,—with such suites to explore,
Such closets to search, such alcoves to importune!

 

Love in a Life

 

Spiteful Mr. Browning

Take the cloak from his face, and at first
Let the corpse do its worst!

How he lies in his rights of a man!
Death has done all death can.
And, absorbed in the new life he leads,
He recks not, he heeds
Nor his wrong nor my vengeance; both strike
On his senses alike,
And are lost in the solemn and strange
Surprise of the change.
Ha, what avails death to erase
His offence, my disgrace?
I would we were boys as of old
In the field, by the fold:
His outrage, God's patience, man's scorn
Were so easily borne!

I stand here now, he lies in his place:
Cover the face!

After



References:

Browning, Robert. Poetry Foundation. Web. 04 July 2012. <http://www.poetryfoundation.org/search/?q=Robert+Browning>. 

Browning, Robert; Selected Poems; London: Bloomsbury Poetry Classic, 1994. Print

http://www.poemhunter.com

Sunday 1 July 2012

Why Bother With Sex?

I would never think of the phrase ‘why bother’ in the same line of thought as sex, but I am a perv. It seems that some people are holier than me and they do. I was searching for articles about food in South Asia on JSTOR when I bumped into this article about sex and evolution titled “Why Bother?”[1]

In the essay Mr. Charlesworth writes: The early fathers of Christian Church [anyone could have guessed they would come up in this essay] were sorely troubled by the question of why god had not provided human beings with “some harmless [emphasis provided] mode of vegetation” with which to propogate themselves.

They were sorely troubled. Poking young boys leaves you sore. I will agree that many of them wanted to go to all-male orgies, but I will not agree, and I know this for sure, they were not vegetationarian. That is just a mis-print or confusing it with priests of hindu or some strange religion like that.

If you hadn’t guessed it yet, sex is the most prevalent mode of reproduction in all multicellular animals. And plants. There are very few plants (<0.1%) and animals (only a few dozen species) that reproduce without having some fun, on the way to leaving the babies with the mothers.

Most asexual species seem very recent in evolution, only a few have had long enough time to diversify. Most celebrated of these are Bdelloid Rotifer. Yeah. They are celebrated. That’s the kind of parties they go to: vegetationarian ones. Poor Rotters, even dung beetles got a more exciting deal.

Now Mr. Charlesworth is not very original in asking- why should there be any males? This question may send a wave of happiness down some types of feminists, most married women, and all lezzies. Why don’t females just re-produce exact replicas of themselves, instead of, for example having males to interfere in the matter of exact replicas? Imagine that scenario. No more “you are as lazy as your father” talks. And complete accountability of genes. No more “who taught you to act like that, not me!”

So Mr Charlesworth… he wants me to call him Brian. So Brian explains why should this (no males) have happened, or could have happened very easily. If there was a mutation in a female that they could reproduce asexually, mathematically they would very quickly over take the population of sexual females. Especially if the mutation was happening on Halle Berry.  One Halle Berry for each male within a few generations! Bye bye wife! But then Helle Berry would not need males for reproduction. Only for fun.

If that can happen so easily why hasn’t it happened in the billion years of evolution of life?

Wait, these are your choices:
     Because god created us, evolution is a farce
     Because the mutation happened on the Ms. Dis-sexy and Obnoxious!
     Because we are the 99%
     It depends

If you chose any of the above. you are wrong. Yes, it does not even depend.

You see, if a species inbreeds, it needs a long time to diversify. It has to wait for the bolt of lightening or the spider bite or the uranium exposure, for many generations. In the meanwhile they go on breeding with less efficiency and digging their own grave.

The other day I was on a porn website and one f$%&-ing stupid advertisement there said: “Still watching porn? Get laid tonight.” That really turned me off. But that is not what they mean when they say Inbreeding Depression. That would be erectile dysfun.. anyway.

Even as early as Charles Darwin, evolutionary scientists have noted that when species inbreed they produce less efficient offspring. Babies that have less seeds less tolerant of the changes in environment etc. That is how they produced the depressed kings and queens of Europe. And suicide bombers.

A big advantage of sexual reproduction is variability. Other than cloud mirrors in domestic arguments about whose genes lead to self-destructive behavior in a child, variability also affords a larger chance of survival when the adverse circumstances strike. In long summers without food, in floods, in sudden temperature changes due to earthquakes or volcanic dust, more variation meant that at least some individuals of the species will survive and go on.
 
Homo Sapiens have survived because of diversity! As a species we should celebrate diversity because diversity has sponsored us the tickets to the fair. And since I have done a great job of convincing you to bother with sex, put up a great performance about the way we got here at every opportunity!

Still watching porn? Get laid tonight!



[1] Charlesworth, B. (Spring 2007). Why Bother. Daedalus, 136(2), pp. 37-47.

Wednesday 27 June 2012

What remains of me...

 -Sarawati Nandini Majumdar (published with permission)

After it is over, any intense experience remains in the mind and body, and begins to gather, imperceptibly, into itself: it gathers all its colours into itself, rolls all its sounds into one, squeezes its smells into a tight ball. It is like a raincloud: it gathers and hovers…

 
…and then, will it move away, or will it condense?
Think of the brain, filled with so much moisture, waiting to explode.
I long, all the time, again and again, to occupy an old space, to be there, as I was.
Sometimes I think I am nothing but a past of me, or many pasts. And of course, I am not that person, in those spaces. In that case, what remains of me?







Tuesday 26 June 2012

Kashmir on maps.google

 On maps.google.co.in (Indian portal)
Notice the solid lines for the Kashmir boundary

On maps.google.com (international portal)
Notice the dashed lines for the Kashmir boundary

Saturday 23 June 2012

Am I unscientific?

The discussion started on a very serious note, one of the matter of life and death. What kind of treatment should my friend's mother, suffering from cancer, should undergo? This is not a question many people I know would ask, but this particular friend has been raised in a household where ayurveda is a real alternative to allopathy (also referred to as western medicine). She is sure she wants to see more evidence of cure and the extent of the disease, different indicators reflected in chemical tests of bodily fluids, images taken at different wavelength, the lot. She is convinced that she doesn't want her mother to be the subject to see to test if ayurvedic medicine can cure cancer.

But then the discussion moved to more general and less serious direction, about people's attitude towards the non-allopathic or non-mainstream medicine: ayurvedic, homeopathic, and yunani medicine. She mentioned that she does not like it that ayurvedic system has been left behind and expressed that she would like to see more testing and experiments to prove/disprove the effectiveness of ayurved and not discard it on the premise: Allopathy works, why bother with Ayurveda?

I am not comfortable with the whole idea of Ayurveda being an alternative since the beginning of the discussion and was relieved that she is convinced of not letting her mother being treated in ayurvedic system. As the discussion moved to general I expressed my opinions. She asked why do I speak with such confidence? Had I studied the subject?

I may have read a few articles on the subject, and was present at a pharmaceutic conference where a paper on ayurvedic medicine was presented. But I had not actually thought about the evidence that I use to discard this as an ineffective or suboptimal method of curing human diseases. Most of my evidence is based on discussions with allopathic doctors' (family members or friends) and their opinions (whether well informed or not).

In case of ayurveda, many practitioners of ayurveda also are associated with astrology (based on stars), palm reading, and such future predicting activities which I have discarded as non-scientific long ago. It maybe that these are the bad fruits of the bunch, but the practitioners cannot be separated form the medicine. Also about religion, spirituality, any group that claims they are separate from science (mainstream science) I remove them from my trust, without any further investigation.

I started this discussion with a confidence that I am a scientific person. I believe in evidence and I do a thorough research before forming opinions.But that confidence is not based in evidence. I have not tested my scientific attitude with scientific methods. Now it seems many of the beliefs I live by in my life (including "I have a scientific temper") are based on hearsay or faith: untested, unrecorded and unchallenged.

But how much time can one person investigate to have accurate views on all or many subjects of life? Wouldn't we all have to depend on news papers, discussions, advertisements, television shows for such insights? Is that being unscietific?

Tuesday 22 May 2012

Poems to Sing-Along OR Poetry of Jane Austen



She casts her verse, a simple spell
          And re-lease-es a song,
“Pray, I can-not-oh-well!”
          She makes me sing-along

Poems to Sing-Along
-Arshad Mirza




Camilla, good-humoured, and merry, and small
For a husband was at her last stake;
And having in vain danced at many a ball
Is now happy to jump at a Wake.

On the Marriage of Miss Camilla Wallop and the Reverend Wake
- Jane Austen





Cambric – with grateful blessings would I pay
                The treasures given me in sweet employ;
Long mayest thou serve my friend without decay,
                And have no tears to wipe but tears of joy!

To Miss Bigg, previous to her marriage, with some pocket handkerchiefs I had hemmed for her
Jane Austen




See they come, post haste from Thanet,
Lovely couple, side by side;
They've left behind them Richard Kennet
With the Parents of the Bride!

Canterbury they have passed through;
Next succeeded Stamford-bridge;
Chilham village they came fast through;
Now they've mounted yonder ridge.

Down the hill they're swift proceeding,
Now they skirt the Park around;
Lo! The Cattle sweetly feeding
Scamper, startled at the sound!

Run, my Brothers, to the Pier gate!
Throw it open, very wide!
Let it not be said that we're late
In welcoming my Uncle's Bride!

To the house the chaise advances;
Now it stops--They're here, they're here!
How d'ye do, my Uncle Francis?
How does do your Lady dear?

Lines written by Jane Austen for amusement of a niece




When stretch'd on one's bed
With a fierce-throbbing head,
Which preculdes alike thought or repose,
How little one cares
For the grandest affairs
That may busy the world as it goes!

How little one feels
For the waltzes and reels
Of our Dance-loving friends at a Ball!
How slight one's concern
To conjecture or learn
What their flounces or hearts may befall.

How little one minds
If a company dines
On the best that the Season affords!
How short is one's muse
O'er the Sauces and Stews,
Or the Guests, be they Beggars or Lords.

How little the Bells,
Ring they Peels, toll they Knells,
Can attract our attention or Ears!
The Bride may be married,
The Corse may be carried
And touch nor our hopes nor our fears.

Our own bodily pains
Ev'ry faculty chains;
We can feel on no subject besides.
Tis in health and in ease
We the power must seize
For our friends and our souls to provide.

When Stretch'd on One's Bed
- Jane Austen

Thursday 17 May 2012

Driving Trip

(~1800 words)

A map of my trip.
It's a modest 970 km trip. 

It's lame to say "words cannot describe what I experienced." But, words cannot describe what I experienced anyway [1].  So, I will try to describe some of what I did, saw, thought, heard and on rare occasions - spoke.

My entire Tamil vocabulary can be listed here: Tamil illai (no Tamil), seri (okay), tanni (water), and sappiddu (food). I also know elambicchai palam (lemon) and paasi (polished green beans), which I did not use on this trip. Not knowing Tamil was going to be my meditation pill. I wouldn't have been speaking very much while driving anyway, but this way I was the silent type - the loan rider, even when I reached places.

The focus of my trip was to travel from one geographic entity to another: ocean, mangroves, forests, and hills.


DAY - 1

I started from Chennai at 5 am on Saturday morning (12-May-2012). I drove for 2 hours along the East Coast Road that runs very close to the ocean. I wanted to reach somewhere before the heat got unbearable. As many good intentions in life, this one was kneed and elbowed aside. I had not planned to stop for too long in Pondicherry, just say hello to a young friend I have known since my time as a teacher in a school in Varanasi. Lysa and I had a nice French breakfast and then met her friends and time slipped. By the time I was leaving Pondicherry it was 11 and sun was out to get me. 

I traveled two hours to reach Pichavaram, the mangrove forests, at around 1. Quite unexpectedly there was an ugly tourist compound, with a restaurant, "A/C Rooms", ice cream stall, and a boat reservation system. There were fixed rates depending on the kinds of boats and the number of people. Simple and straight! Nopes. 

To begin with a lone rider was an impossibility. Who wants to go alone (with a boatman)? So I had to pay for two. Which I did. As soon as the boat was 5 mins into the water ways that lead to the mangroves, the boat man offered to take me to nicer places which are not on the "regular route" for double the price. Of course the price I had paid was mostly for the administration, boat man was getting only 40% of the amount. And so the boatmen have found a way to make more money: differentiate the product. for the government price: all lacklustre sights; for a premium, secret coves and interesting views. Corruption? Yeah.

The public policy person who lives inside me got the better of me for the last paragraph. Back to the beautiful mangroves.

The two hours on the boat were still. It was a labyrinth of these thin water paths between the woody prop roots of the mangroves. Very meditative. The only sounds were birds and the shallow splash of the oars of the boat.

I thought a lot about Lajwanti in the mangroves. What would she do if she were here? What adventures will she get into?


After the boat trip I wanted to walk around and explore the dry sections of the mangrove, but the dirty and unkempt tourist compound annoyed me and I decided to drive on. The close-by town, Chidambaram, is a very small temple town with bad broken roads, dusty hotels rooms, and dusty everything else. I spent my night in one of these hotel rooms and did not go out until the next morning at 3 am. Only as a matter of fact, I did not visit any places of religious interest during this trip at all.


DAY - 2 

At 3 am even Chidambaram was romantic. Bathing in moonlight in general (yellow street light in patches) it had finally freed itself from the humans and was sighing a sigh of relief. And then I rode in.
And rode right out on the path to Salem. Not the whitch-hunt kind.

At around 4:05 am I learnt that it's pronounced say-lum (as in lum-p), not sa-lame.

At around 4:15 am I learnt that I love driving at this time of the night.

At around 9 am I was near the place where I start going up the mountains. It is a very small road near a village called Kuppunur. So small that I missed it.

So at around 10 am I was near the place where I start going up the mountains. It is a very small road near the village Kuppunur. So small that I missed it. Again.

And at around 10:45 am I was near the place where I start going up the mountains. And I did.

Being lost at the foot hills was not bad at all. The wind was cool, roads perfect, few people, but  smiling and good natured. Poking fun at me every time I said in perfectly fine Tamil: "Kuppunur?", keeping a long straight face becoming for a lone rider. Third time I asked the same shopkeeper, the way he was laughing was not funny. But Children cheered me on with shouts of "super" and the sign of hand that goes with it (meant for my motorcycle, not me). Lone riders do not care for cheering children or laughing shopkeepers.
As I went up the hills I realised how dependable my motorcycle is, the grip of its hind tyre combined with its 220 cc power (19 bhp at 8100 rpm with maximum torque of 17.5 Nm at 7000 rpm). I was able to go up the hill in the 4th and 5th gear (40 - 50 km per hour) even at the hair pin bends. My motorcycle had come home in the hills.

I reached the town called Yercaud pronounced Ir-cud.
Ir- as in irresistible and -cud as in cuddly.
Ir- as in irreverent and -cud rhymes with mud.

Yercaud is a small colonial town with a lake, many convent boarding schools, resorts, and coffee plantations. I rode around and then walked around the many points with breathtaking cool views of the hills and valley. And then I slept a long peaceful night in my cottage as a lone rider who has driven hours deserves.


DAY - 3

I did not wake up at 3 am. I woke up at 7 am to go back to sleep. Then I woke up at 8 and left the town at 9. I had looked up the google maps and knew that there was such a way, and so I asked around for the way that does not lead to Salem. After asking 20 odd people, I came to the conclusion that people do not know anything! So I looked up the maps again and found out the names of villages on the way so that I could keep asking way to these villages one by one.



That was very smart. With the exception that after crossing the third hill on really bad roads, well, the road kind of ended. Yes. No road. Only a mud path. For 10-20 kilometers. Hilly and rocky. It was the place for the loan rider to be. It was really and truly lonely. And I liked it a lot. Before I was a few kilometers in I knew this was going to be the best part of my trip and I was already planning my return to Yercaud and going up this way.

I fell twice on the rocky paths, but escape without any major injuries, but I scratched and slightly bent a non-functional part of my motorcycle I do not know the name of. It's the metal thing that is supposed to protect my knees.

After reaching the foot hills, I drove on for another hour to reach Dharmapuri. In Dharmapuri I had a great lunch and changed my plans to go to places of historical interest and decided to just drive on through the nearby forests and hills. And thus I drove another seven hours through Alangayam and Jawadhu hills. It was in this leg of the trip that I saw the termite hill.

I was driving thought the enchanting forests bending and swerving along with the roads which I had all to myself; the sun was setting far away behind thick clouds and it was already dark at 5 pm. I could say only one thing to myself: if you see a girl walking hereabouts dressed sexily, do not stop [2].


DAY - 4

Having slept 11 hours in a another badly kept hotel room, this time in Vellore, I was ready to go home. Chennai was only about 132 km away, but I was feverish from riding afternoons in 45 deg (Celsius) dry sun for the days before. I was not sure how will the rest of the day go with fever and driving. It was already almost 10 am and the temperature was reaching where it wants to go on peak summer days like these.

But there was no point in staying in Vellore. So I rode on. Fifty or so slow kilometers on the six lane national highway I crossed the 1000 km goal on my motorcycle. I was dreamily overtaking a Tata Sumo and thinking of trying higher speeds that can be done after 1000 on the motorcycle (as per instructions).

This Sumo had some children in the back seat. I was cheered on by a bunch of boys who were very happy to see my motorcycle. I smiled and made faces at them. A Skoda Latvia was also trying to overtake them,  at the same time and started honking at me.The children jeered and booed at him (I say him, but I did not see who the driver was). Since then the car would go on and wait for me and then race with me. When this happened for a few times, it was on.

The next 90 kilometers happened in less than an hour. It was a safe and gentlemanly and ended very nicely. No rules were broken (other than the speed limits, maybe) [3]. I managed to stay ahead most of the time before and after we reached the Chennai city limits. That was not because I am a better driver, but because there was traffic and many speed-breakers: I could change gears much faster than the car. I did my first 110 kmph and realised the full potential of the fifth gear.



[1] F@#&, that's saying it twice.
[2] Many Bollywood horror movies I have watched as a child have taught me that they usually are not girls. Or humans.
[3] This is a work of fiction and no part of this can be used as an evidence in the court of law.


The Destroyer


Termite will always remind me of my visit to Dudhwa National Park on the India Nepal Border. There I could see that everything feeds on something else. At any time a good fraction of the forest is dying and made into food for others. On this margin termites are rulers.

On my motorcycle trip last week, driving in the jungles over the hills at twilight, I passed an eerie sight. A 10 -11 feet tall termite hill was covered with a yellow tarpaulin in a semi-holy fashion. And an ominous trishul stood guard in front of it [1].

Of course! The destroyers!

They live in hills or in the nether-grounds. In these hills the companions are poisonous snakes and scorpions. They work day and night; uncomplaining, mast, they live covered in dust. They are very angry creatures, who should not be disturbed when at work, else you might have to face their might.

Where the life starts to dwindle, they start their dance, balancing, controlling forces of death and decay, playing loud their drum, singing raucous songs, laughing at the miseries of life.

Uncelebrated they absorb the immensity of death and let it out slowly in one thin stream, so that the rest of the jungle can convert it back to life.


[1] This symbolises Shiv, the destroyer in the trinity of Hindu mythology

Saturday 28 April 2012

Whither Motorcycle?

A Cost Benefit Analysis of Purchasing a Motorcycle in Chennai

(Word Count: ~1900)
[Note: I wanted to keep real numbers but alas that's too much information for a blog. So I use dummy numbers.  If anyone wants to use my template please write to me.]

1. Introduction

Everyone in Chennai (India) talks about auto-drivers. The auto drivers overcharge and are extremely discourteous. Everyone dislikes them. There is a radio program that encourages you to send a feedback about your experiences (good or bad) with auto drivers and they make it public!

When I was planning to spend a year in India true to my nature I had planned, with an Excel Sheet. Other than the kick I got out of it, such planning merited a good number when I was negotiating my remunerations with prospective employers. I kept a figure for purchasing a motorcycle in that analysis.

I came to Chennai and spent one month here haggling every morning and evening for 4 km ride on an auto. The price of Rs. 100 will disgust most of my friends who probably pay Rs.40 for a similar trip in Mumbai or Ahmedabad or an equivalent of Rs.89 in NYC. [1]

I did not feel like exploring Chennai. The discomfort of having to deal with the insults of auto drivers (http://mastersofthemultiverse.blogspot.in/2012/03/01apr2012.html) and haggling, made it all sour. I did not renew my British Library membership for almost a month. So, very soon I started thinking and discussing the purchase of  a motorcycle.
Bajaj Avenger
An idea of a more expensive motorcycle called Bajaj Avenger came up [2]. I couldn't decide if it is actually a good idea to buy it at a price higher than my initial plan. And since I have been trained in one systematic way of thinking about this, I decided to do it properly: a cost-benefit analysis! Belying every thought I had harbored that I will never use CBA after I pass this exam, I present a way to make informed decisions.


2. Time Frame of CBA

I use 13 months for my calculation. It is in part judged by the amount of time I plan to be in Chennai but also the way the loan for the motorcycle will be repaid. The least amount of interest is for 11 months (I can prepay it if I want, but that is how much I will have to pay). After the twelfth month I will have repaid the loan and can resell the asset. Sorry, I mean my lovely dear Avenger. Its name will be Parsu-Ram for many reasons.

Inflation: it affects the cost of petrol and a few other variables in my calculation, but I will ignore it, because it is difficult to predict in case of petrol prices. And I reasoned that the costs and benefits of the future are equally affected by inflation of petrol price so I can ignore it without much error. (If someone has an idea of how to incorporate inflation, please do not write to me, I don't really care).


3. Costs

Costs are straight forward. For convenience I divided them into fixed and variable costs.

3.1 Cost of the Motorcycle (Fixed cost)

The cost of the Avenger is a quote I get from the vendor (Q) [3]. I will make a portion of this price as a lump-sum down payment even if I get the bike on a loan scheme. This amount is 41% of the cost of the motorcycle quoted.

Above the quoted price, I will have a wind shield installed. And I will need to produce an affidavit that I am living in Chennai, since my rental agreement shows only 2 months so far.  These make 11% of the down payment cost.

So the amount I will have to pay lump-sum
L =  41% * Q * (1 + 11%)

3.2 Cost of Finance

If I were to take a loan plan I will have to pay a smaller down payment and later on monthly installment (MI) for the next 11 months. The cost of such finance is r% at Bajaj Finance, compounded monthly.

3.3 Petrol or Gas 

The unit for this calculation is two weeks, since my travel cycles are going to be in 2 weeks. That is how often I expect to go on long tours outside Chennai. The formula I have used for this is as following:

Within the city

Cost of petrol P1= (a+b+c) * d * e
a = distance to and fro work every day (km) X 10 (days)
b = distance to and from most frequented places in the city in two weeks
c = distance expected to travel if I go exploring the city, two weeks
d = mileage inside city
e = present cost of petrol

Inter-city Travels

Cost of petrol P2 = f*g*e
g = mileage on highway

f = distance to and fro on the highway, one in two weeks
e = present cost of petrol

Cost of petrol per month
P = (P1 + P2)*2

3.4 Maintenance

This cost consists of oil change and servicing of motorcycle. For new motorcycles, Bajaj gives three free servicings. That will cover 6 months of servicing cost. I have included the oil change for every 2000 km (mineral oil) to be on the safe side [4]

3.5 Emergency and Breakdowns

Since I plan to traverse long distances, I expect to have breakdowns and that means added costs. I kept a value of 14% of the cost of the motorcycle over the twelve month period. And in absence of any other realistic way to think about it accrued it every month. 




3.6 Opportunity Cost
If I was not using the money for motorcycle what was the largest return I could get on it? I have a loan which accrues interest at R%, and since this is the largest interest rate in the organised sector with low risk, it's my opportunity cost (in fact that IS what I would have done with this money). I used this interest rate to calculate my Net Present Value of the cash flows to reach a decision. 


4. Benefits

Benefits are also simple to calculate. I did not try to monetise many things that will swell the benefits and NPV of this investment, such as
1. The value of freedom and convenience of riding a motorcycle versus depending on getting an auto, esp if you are going to be out at night.
2. The value of not having to haggle with auto drivers
3. The value of reduced time for planning (where you want to go, how, booking tickets, hotel etc.)
4. The value of ownership and comfort of companionship something like a motorcycle can provide, and the pride of owning something beautiful.

4.1 Savings on Auto Costs

Two parts to this benefit:

1. Daily usage: for office
Savings on the cost of auto to and fro work for 21 working days of a month.

2. Biweekly trip to BL and exploring the city
Savings on the cost of auto to and fro places in the city I would like to visit on a biweekly basis.

4.2 Savings on cost of inter-city travels

Since I plan to do a lot of traveling outside Chennai and that is the major reason for getting a motorcycle like Avenger, the saving on the alternative modes of travel are benefits. The cost I have used for this purpose have headings such as:

1. Cost of taxi to the bus/train station, which in Chennai surprisingly can be as much or more than the cost of the travel.

2. Cost of bus ticket to and fro
I used quotes from a website (redbus.in) for AC volvo bus reservation for the destinations I have in mind.

3. Approx cost of taxis in the city visited, to and fro bus station and sightseeing. From experience (I keep detail accounts) I used an approx 20% of the sum of other two costs.

4.3 Resale

Even though most Bajaj motorcylces have a good resale value there is a lot of uncertainty on this number. I was looking at many resale websites for the value of a 1 -2 year old avenger. But these quotes are not very trustworthy, so to be on the safe side I use the analogy of a larger market: gearless scooter. 

A new gearless scooter resells at ~75% of its value after one year. I used that proportion to come to a number. I used 75% of the quoted price Q as the resale value R.


5. Calculation of Present Value

I used two numbers for basing my decision. 

Net Cash Flow: First is more intuitive net cash flow, which is simply the sum of all the monthly difference of the expenses between scenario of having an Avenger and not having one. This is the number I can say to my friends/nemesis... "I will save INSERT CASH FLOW rupees on autos and travel in 1 year." 

For more intelligent and sophisticated audience, such as you my dear reader, and for myself, I used the Net Present Value of the cash flow, which utilises the concept of opportunity cost or time value of money. I could have returned my loans instead of purchase my motorcycle. Cash flow minus the amount I could have saved on the interest is my NPV. Calculation in excel is easy, formula is shown in the picture.  

If the NPV of my cash flows is considerably less than zero I should not make this investment. If it was not zero but but only slightly negative or slightly positive I would have to resort to judgement based on the non-cash aspects, which I have ignored so far in my calculation. If the NPV is positive and a considerable amount I should make this investment. 

In my case, the NPV is a high positive number, more than 30% of the total investment involved.


6. Sensitivity of NPV

Having a high NPV was not good enough for me, I was not satisfied and ran a number of sensitivity tests (generally using solver function in Excel)

My NPV turns to zero:

1. ..when petrol prices rise 53% compared to the present price. (without changing the auto, bus costs)
2. ...if I had overstated my travel cost (bus train) by 51%
3. ...if my other loan interest rate is actually 38%. Since I use the loan interest rate as my opportunity cost this 38% can also be called my Internal Rate of Return, IRR.
4. ...only from the monthly savings, in 24 months (if I do not sell my motorcycle). Since in this time I will have saved the value of investment, 24 months is my Payback Period.


7. Result

I do.
Mom, I will save Rs 28,000 if I buy Bajaj Avenger!


8. Conclusion

Start with an end in mind, be smart about what to show and what to hide and you can prove anything with numbers, complete with sensitivity tests. ;)


9. Foot notes

[1]Reference Wikipedia, $14.1 for 5 miles with 5 mins wait time in Apr 2011, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taxicabs_of_the_United_States#New_York_City
[2] Multimedia Experience of Bajaj Avenger feel like god
[3] Base quote for Bajaj Avenger: feel like god for only Rs. Add 13% for insurance, basic accessories, etc to reach Q.
[4] If you don't know when to change your oil, every 2,000km (or every 6 months) is more than enough to be on the safe side. http://www.totalmotorcycle.com/school-SectionEight.htm