Friday 22 April 2016

Of beanstalks and rodents

April 22, 2016
Chennai, India

I think they were moles or shrew. But they could be field rats or any other rodent. I don't really know how to tell one from the other. But they were able to dig up most of my legumes and kills them. It was an uphill battle to keep my black eyed peas alive for a month and a half. But we managed, plants and I. Like the first child of a family, these are the most hardy and the closest to my heart.

I had a vague idea that beans had stalks but I had forgotten I guess. So when the beans started shooting out feelers for twining and climbing, I was at a loss. It was a good few weeks until I realized I should try to support these with sticks. And a month until I got over my procrastinating to actually doing it.

When I reached the entangled mass to support the ten or so survivors with sticks, I was a little taken aback. My little babies had inter-twined, supporting each other to reach up to the new heights. Black eyed pea to black eyed pea. 

Their silent stern look said in a quiet firm way to me "wood would be good, but we can do without it."

*** 

Every night I would go to sleep with my ears pinned at the garden, half expecting to hear them scurrying and doing their evil deeds. I would wake up and go out as soon as I could, 4 am - 4:30 am, with a head lamp on my head, inspecting my, now a 30 feet by 20 feet garden

They would not do anything to any other plants: flowers, squashes, other things I was growing, but they would uproot beans and legumes, eat their roots and throw the shoots around. A scene of massacre.

It is not difficult to kill rodents. There are so many easy and inexpensive ways to do it. But I had done it one in the past and regretted it -

It had been rainy for a few day in Banaras ten years ago, the whole school ground was flooded. We were sitting in the library and reading children's books. I saw what I thought was a rat scurry to the reading room. I followed it and tried to shoo it away. It was moving very slowly. Much too slow for a rat, but I did not think about it. Some of my colleagues were scared of it, so I took a stick or broom or something, and killed it, and did not think about it twice.

I was living in a room in the school guesthouse which was very close-by. The next morning, very early, I heard some squeaking sounds outside the library. I went there to investigate and found a pink small rodent baby. I looked around for a squirrel nest, but I did not find any. Slowly it dawned on me that it was the orphaned baby of the rodent I had killed last night. Deep guild took over me, and I decided to take care of the baby. 

As the days went by the baby developed teeth that distinctly set it apart to look like its parent and a quick search on google showed me that I was a father to a shrew baby. 

My baby was pretty blind, but she started recognizing my voice. I would call it when I come around with milk on cotton sponge. If anyone else opened the box the baby would come forward to the light but if the voice was not mine she would recoil to the back in fear. 

One day I saw that the baby had eaten some bugs and I saw the legs and other appendages lying around. I felt that I was not doing well as a father. Moved I looked around the campus for inspiration and found some earthworms. When I left for dinner, she had started chewing on the live juice worm shaking it with every bite. 

After a leisurely dinner I came back to see that the baby was asleep, which was pretty normal. But when she did not squeak the next morning I was worried. I opened her box to find to an awful smell. She was gone. Earth was poring from her nose. It seems she chocked on the earth inside the worm.

The memories of the shrew baby have haunted me since. I always feel bad about it. 



One morning I woke up to check on the plants and I saw that they had chewed up all my squashes and uprooted them. They had even dug up some of my flower plants! Let alone destroyed all my mung beans I had sprouted. 

That was it. I was furious. In my mind, they had crossed a line - uprooting to eat is fine, but there was no calling for this kind of mindless uprooting of my flowers and other plants. 

After working myself up, I acted on my anger and bought some rat poison. The poison instructions said that it would kill the rats 4-5 days after it was consumer. I put the poison out in the garden at night and found it gone in an hour or so. 

The next morning there was much of the same kind of massacre of beans and squashes. But I also found that there was some digging under a piece of rock. I was pretty surprised to see this. I moved the rock to investigate and found some juicy worms under it. I looked at the roots of the flowers the rodents had uprooted. Worms as well.

A few days later my garden was filled with a familiar, guilty smell, that lingered for a long time.




Sunday 24 January 2016

Dense and cold

Note: names and identities are changed to protect privacy. Fiction and reality is mixed with the interpretation of reality, and fiction, very liberal and atheistic. 


A medium sized town in Maharashtra. The dust doesn't settle down until 10 pm here. 

Cold is extreme to someone not used to it, 14 degree at sunrise can be a scary. Day is chilly even when the sun is out. Skin is dry. Movements are slow. There are extinguishing ambers of anger at the betrayal of indoors that makes one feel safe rest of the year, when it fails at protecting them from cold. Outside is warmer than inside most of the time when sun is out. When moon is out, indoors are still very cold, but one is robbed of the respite of an option to go outdoors.

Insides are colder than outsides. And nights are lonely trials. Each person in his own winter. Fighting a lonely battle for long years. 


-----x-----


I don't know what to do now. 
I regret what I did then, but what can I do now?
What can I change in my situation? 
What can I do?

I love her, but I cannot stand her when she is like that. I wish there were children, women seem to get completely absorbed in children. 

I wish circumstances were easier in some way. I have a lot of endurance, but there is no respite of any manner, anywhere I look. Other than this packet of tobacco. (Opens a pack of tobacco mix and empties it in the his mouth).

My work is slow. The real estate market is slow. Trade would be good if there were the capital. Friends have turned away and showed their true colours, brothers treat me like I have no worth. 

There aren't many with whom I can even share my thoughts freely. And even those I trust, every time I talk to them, I don't feel the burden lift. It just feels heavier that now I have to worry if this new information make me fall from their graces? No one wants to associate with the unlucky. And I don't blame them. I have borne this forever and I will bear this for ever. 

I just wish there was some respite, somewhere. Other than this packet of tobacco. I wish there were children.


-----x-----


Things are all beyond me.
I have no say.

There is some comfort in money for now, but it will not last long. 

And he will never listen to me. He is not much smarter than I am in these matters but he will just never listen to me. And the children, we did so much for them. We went through so much together, now they do not want to think about us. We are just in their way.

(She walks into the living room where a middle aged man is sleeping on the floor. In the darkness, other than the light of phone gleaming on his face.)

He buries his worries in Internet. 

Should I turn a light on son? Are you warm? Why don't you sleep in the bedroom?

He hates me. They all hate me.

I wish I was wiser. Richer. Younger. I wish I had children of my own. They would love me as their own.


-----x-----


Why did I let her go?
Why didn't I hold a little longer?
Why did I accept this life, I knew I was not made for this life!


I walk around in these circles. I come to these loud marriages, I endure these people without taste or style. Without any respect for themselves. I endure it all.

Look at her, she is one of them. All dress up in gaudy clothes and smiling pretty. Not an original thought in her empty head. I can't stand her vacuous smile and laughter some days. And look at them, these dirty urchins. They have taken on her. And they like their uncles. Not one has taken on me, not one.

So many children, and a passionless cow for a wife.

This was never going to be me. I had promised myself that it was not. 

Why did I let her go without another push? Why did I chicken out? I wish I had a second chance. I would change it all. Like this Enfield, renovate and shine it all up.